One Moment More

Well, the past month has been eventful to say the least. We've all had a run with some kind of horrible stomach virus and then right after that we all caught some kind of sickness that was like a mix of the flu and strep, that was aptly described as "The Crud". But on a lighter note Jana had her baby. She is a beautiful little girl weighing in at 7lbs 4oz and her name is Lola Claire. She is named Lola after Jana's grandmother who passed away a few years back and I came up with Claire (and I am taking all credit for it.) ;)

Monday night Lynn's dad called and asked us to go check on his grandmother because she wasn't answering the phone. When we got there the door was unlocked which was immediately odd, she never keeps the door unlocked. So we went in and Lynn went through the house looking for her and I went into the den, when I got to the doorway I found her in the floor. I started screaming and Lynn came running through the house screaming. While I was on the phone with 911 she quit breathing and Lynn had to do CPR on her. He got her back just before the ambulance got there. We followed the ambulance to the hospital and after about thirty minutes the doctor came and gave us the horrible news that she was gone. Please keep us in your prayers, we are having such a hard time. I keep replaying it over and over in my head. I'm afraid to go to sleep because I don't want to dream about it and I don't want to be awake because I can't stop thinking about it. And God, her family, Lynn's dad and his new wife are being horrible. They didn't even give her a proper funeral. No visitation, no funeral. Just a graveside service with Lynn's dad giving what he called a eulogy, no flowers, no preachers, none of her favorite songs were sang. I am just so disgusted with them. The night she died, thirty minutes after she was pronounced dead, they were looking for her blank checks. After the ten minute so called funeral, they started going through her jewelry. Please pray that God will help me keep my composure out of respect for her. Because if it wasn't for her, they would all be carrying a beating.

So, I went to the doctor yesterday because I have been having some problems and he told me that I more than likely had a miscarriage. Great anniversary news right? I need prayer. I'm having a hard time with this.

At this time, Nine O'clock, one year ago today I was a single woman. (Not single, but not married yet) And then at Two Thirty PM, my life changed forever. I still can't believe that it has been a year and then on the other hand it feels like an eternity ago. Lynn woke me up with the second sweetest kiss he has ever given me, because the sweetest one he gave me exactly one year ago. I wish I could go back and relive it all over. The wedding day, of course, not the rest of this crazy year!

So, I had a yard sale Saturday, probably the only one I'll ever have. First an elderly woman fell in our yard, so nearly had a heart attack then. But in my defense, there was a hole in our yard, not a big one, just kind of a rut, but any way we put two tables together and put them over the hole so no one would step in it. Well she decides to just push the tables apart and go in between them and promptly stepped into the hole and fell. I ran over and helped her up and she had this to say, "That's a good way to get someone hurt." So, I told her that that was the exact reason we had the tables pushed together so NO ONE WOULD FALL IN THE HOLE that the tables THAT SHE PUSHED APART covered. Not hateful of course, I was very apologetic because I really don't want to get sued. But after that fiasco I had a woman accuse me of overcharging her a dollar, the story there is that I had a Kate Spade wallet priced for a dollar, it was brand new, and she bought it. I know that she did because hello, I put it into a bag for her and I was glad that someone bought it. Well she went to her car and fiddled around for a minute before bringing the bag back WITHOUT THE KATE SPADE WALLET and accused me of overcharging her a dollar. She counted it all up and said that it was a dollar to much, of course I know that the wallet is missing, A. It's rainbow colored and B. I charged her for it when SHE BOUGHT IT, so I asked where it was and she replied that she didn't buy the wallet. So, instead of getting into an argument with someone I'm pretty sure is tweaking out on my lawn, I gave her a dollar just to get off my property. So fun.

I'm depressed. I just feel so alone. All this with Lincoln and my daddy, Lynn being his normal self. I just can't handle it anymore. Why is it alright for everyone else to get upset about things, but I'm not supposed too. I'm supposed to just let it go. How am I supposed to just get over my father telling me that he doesn't want me and watching him walk away, how many years does it take to just forget that? How many days? If someone could tell me, I would count them down!! I'm tired of being told what I'm going to do and the way I'm gonna feel, whether I like it or not. I told Lynn to leave Sunday. I told him that I couldn't handle it anymore. On our way to church, he turns around and goes back home, with me begging him not to, because I said something smart. I didn't realize that I am ten years old and that he is my father, because I'm pretty sure the day I married him that made him my husband not my master. I don't know, everyone tells me I have to look over him because the army has made him that way and that going to Afghanistan really changed him. Well, you know I didn't know that joining the army gave you a free pass to treat your wife like an animal. He's not always like that, but when he gets in those moods, he rips my heart out. I dunno, I'm afraid it's going to cause me to hate him. I don't know. Just pray for me, I need it.

By now most all of you who still read this, know about the whole deal with my dad. Well, I found out on Friday that he is giving Lincoln (my little brother) a farm. That's right a farm, that includes a house, a few acres, and three chicken houses. It hurts. It hurts me so that I don't think I can hurt anymore. I haven't spoken to this man in three years, neither has Lincoln by the way. But he still sends Lincoln his child support check when Lincoln is married with a kid of his own. He gave Lincoln a truck, paid for any repairs the truck needed and sent Lincoln a thousand a month, just to help him out. But when he left? You know what he gave me? A few good licks and this little gem, "I don't want you or need you, all I need is her. I'm not proud of you at all, you are nothing but a redneck hick who won't amount to anything." So, I have fended for myself and not to mention mom and oh yeah, I think I raised Lincoln since he wasn't there to do it. And he sends me? Nothing. Refused to help me with school or to even give me insurance. I live at home with my mom and I am married. I live there to help support and take care of her, the things that he vowed to do, oh let's see, when he married her. But no, I do it. With no help from anyone and he's going to give Lincoln a farm?!@??!?! I'm sorry, I just have to vent it's ripping my heart out.

My uncle cracks me up to no end. He is about 6'4, about 250 lbs and strong as an ox. He would go toe to toe with a buffalo, but he thinks that Chuck Norris could take him. He says that, "Yeah, Chuck Norris could kick my A$$, he's a true martial artist, you know." I had to just laugh right in his face. He has watched one to many Walker re-runs. Pointless, yes. Hilarious, definitely.

Lynn has gotten to where he seems to never want to spend time with me. I mean there is always something he HAS to do. Not like gone where I don't know where or what he is doing, I know where he is and what he's doing. He likes to spend time with my uncle and grandfather, which I should be glad that he is with men like them instead of his own father. (Which I know seems horrible, but you would honestly just have to meet this man. My chest is his favorite subject of discussion when we're around.) My uncle and grandfather both are not in the best of health and Lynn thinks it's up to him to take up their slack. Which writing it all out, it seems I'm being over the top, but when I ask him to just come home a little early so he can spend some time with me instead of going straight to sleep garners the reaction that he has "Things that have to be done", I get a little irritated. He is my husband not my boyfriend. I had my wisdom teeth taken out Thursday and he was incredible. He stayed right by my side, anything I needed or wanted he was there with it in hand. But the first day that I'm better? He has things to do. I was unaware that I am only worth being nice to or being around when I'm sick. I dunno, I guess I'm ranting but- I dunno. Really, I don't. I need prayer and guidance.

I am going to boycott FX. I am so FREAKIN' tired of hearing this: "Some may say this may be your last farewell run..." And no, I didn't have to look that up because that stupid song and those few words are SEARED into my brain. I watch The Practice in the morning on FX while I'm getting ready for work and I swear I am so sick of them playing that commercial 3 times a commercial break. I am so glad that it is your last farewell run The Sheild because your commercials are driving me insane. End of rant.

It's almost been a year since I last posted, time is really flying by. Things have been going okay I guess. That whole bit about the first year of marriage being the hardest is totally true. Lynn and I have overcome several obstacles and it has really made me realize what love is all about. He is probably the hardest man ever to love, but for some reason that only God knows I do love the man. I can be ready to kill him and in only a second I'm crawling into his arms. It makes me so mad!!! How much power he has over me is unreal. And I don't mean he controls me or anything, just that he has the power to make me melt. It's hard, GOD it's so hard, but it's the best thing I've ever done.

Well, I did it, took the plunge, tied the knot, jumped the broom or whatever you want to call it, but I'm a married woman now!!!

So, my little brother got married last night, I'm kinda short on words about it. I can't seem to stop crying and I don't know why. My wedding is in 10 days and I feel like I'm losing my mind, everynight I dream that it is my wedding day and I have forgotten something or that the wedding is going horribly wrong. I'm just nervous I guess.

Remember Justin? Yeah, him and his wife got divorced.

Lynn proposed!!! I am so happy I can't hardly stand it!!!!!!!

Lynn GOD WILLING will be home tomorrow!!! I cannot wait, I am going crazy, this has been the longest 16 days of my life!

( Boring )

Lynn is gone to annual training until May 6th, he's already been gone for five days and I'm going crazy. I miss him so much. He gave me a ring the day before he left, not an engagment ring, but a kind of promise ring I guess. It's his birthstone, I have been wanting one with his birthstone forever and he heard me tell someone. I cried and cried, it was so sweet. I miss him so much, he left just before the whole pregnancy drama broke out and I'm just so used to having him here with me. 13 more days and I am going insane!!

My brother's girlfriend is pregnant. My LITTLE brother. He's 17. I'm so upset.

Okay, my doctor has put me on 4 hormone pills a day for the next fifteen days, has anyone else ever had to do this? I'm scared I'm gonna turn into a weepy, moody mess, anyone have any advice??